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How to maintain your level of intimacy

Naran S Balakumar

When can you get what you want in a relationship? All of us enter into any relationship to expecting somethingin the lines of – “I want someone so that I feel good; I want to be loved and taken care of”. In any relationship when you expect, you will be disappointed. When one is ready to give without expectation, he can get.  There will not be any dejection.

How a destructive relationship starts getting building up? When I do not want any destructive relationship or when I want harmony and peace in a relationship, then I should stop resisting it first. Instead, when the spouse says or does anything you disagree or you don’t like, you start resisting inwardly. Then like starts yielding to dislike. However, this is not expressed but suppressed.  This continues until it becomes resentment.

How you destroy the foundation of love? You become angry. Anger separates you from the other person and a barrier is formed. Intimacy is ended, and leads to rejection. You find ways to blame or criticize the partner wanting to prove that he/she is wrong. Verbally you attack. Everything the other person doesseem to be wrong and the physical separation begins. Without knowing, that your own blaming causes rejection – you feel rejected. Your relationship deteriorates further by either suspicion or withdrawal.

Resolving these destructive tendencies If relationship is to be mended then take the following remedies:

  1. AGRIMONY for open communication

  2. BEECH to understand other’s point of view; to have tolerance

  3. WILLOW to stop blaming and to forgive

  4. WALNUT to adjust and to be compromising

  5. CHERRY PLUM not to burst out

  6. HOLLY for suspicion and back-biting

  7. CHICORY to give and not to force oneEach day is a new day. Start as if it is a new relationship.


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